2018/09/13

Self-introduction


Subject: Self-introduction

Dear Prof Blackstone,

 My name is Wendy Sun Yiwen, and I am writing to introduce myself. I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in Environment Management and Water Technology. After graduation I worked in the build environment sector for one year and eventually made the decision to further my studies in sustainable infrastructure engineering (building services) program.
 
Being outgoing is my forte, I have no difficulties starting a conversation with anyone. I had met many people from around the world through different international camps. This filled me with an abundance of culture and life experienced. It is much harder to communicate with someone that does not have much English exposure. I overcame that obstacles by using sign language and online language translator. I am confidence in Korean language, as I can speak and write in Hangul, after many hours of lessons and self-study.
 
My weakness in communication is my exposure to English language. I came from a Chinese speaking background, I have trouble speaking fluent English. During conversations I struggle to find the right words to express my intention. Feeling of frustration builds up in me whenever I need to check online dictionary for the right words to utilize. I work at my weakness by exposing myself to English-speaking shows, reading more English books as well as speaking more English language.
 
Report writing, and presentation are crucial skills that I need to sharpen in this module. I aim to arrange my sentences structure to be clear and concise. I want to enrich my vocabulary to improve in report writing. I will take careful account and minimized the error I made. I am doing the English quest and increase daily time for reading to improve my English language.
 
Effective communication is an essential skill to prepare us for the working environment. I am grateful for the all the meaningful lesson that were taught to us during the Effective Communication module. I look forward to achieving more in your class.

Yours sincerely,
Wendy Sun
SIE2018 Seminar Group 6


Blogs I have commented on:
Meng Wee, Guyvan and Nicholas.

7 comments:

  1. Anonymous9/16/2018

    Hi Wendy, I find your email is well-structured and detailed. Good job! However, I think that there are certain points that you can improve on. Hope you find them useful! :)

    Content:
    - Good content, well-elaborated.

    Organisation:
    - Well-pragraphed

    Language:
    - The tenses and use of punctuation such as commas should added in
    "After graduation, I worked in the built environment sector..."

    - The sentence structure can be rephrase to:
    "After hours of lessons and self-study, I learned to communicate fluently in Korean and write in Hangul"

    - Past tense should be use in words like "struggle" and "work".

    Cheers,
    Shien Hui

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Wendy, thanks for writing such a detailed self introduction essay even though you have trouble with your English language ! Here are some of my pointers for your essay.

    I'll give you a score of 7/10 for your content. You are able to cover all of the required pointers for this essay. Your content is well elaborated and detailed.

    I'll give you a score of 7/10 for your organisation. Your essay is well paragraphed and your content flows smoothly through the essay.

    I'll give you a score of 6/10 for language. You can improve on your sentence structure and use of tense.

    Overall, I'll give you a score of 20/30 for your essay. Keep up the good work !

    Regards,
    Kenneth

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dear Wendy,

    Thank you for this well developed intro letter. I enjoyed learning about your background and interests, in particular, the passion you have for developing your English language skills (and Korean!). Kudos to you for doing the English Quest.

    This post, though there are some language issues, generally presents a clear and concise response to the assigned task. The language issues that are apparent might be summed up as these:

    1. verb use
    -- I had met many people.... >>> (verb tense)
    -- I came from... >>> (past or still current?)
    -- I will take careful account and minimized the error I made. >>> ?

    2. sentence structure
    -- Being outgoing is my forte, I have no difficulties starting a conversation with anyone... >>> (run on sentence)


    3. phrasing
    -- This filled me with an abundance of culture and life experienced. >>> (This sentence seems overwrought.)
    -- with someone that does not have ... >>> (wrong word)
    -- that obstacles >>> those obstacles
    -- I am confidence... >>> (wrong word form)
    -- ...my exposure to English language. >>> my lack of exposure to English language.
    -- all the meaningful lesson >>> ?

    Let's work on these. I look forward to getting to know you better this term.

    Cheers,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nicholas Tan9/20/2018

    Dear Wendy,

    Let me begin by thanking you for your reply to my introductory email. It came quite as a shock when you first told me the name of your course due to its similarity. Would love to hear more about your journey and experiences sometime!

    I like how detailed and concise your introduction is, it is filled with examples and life experience. The organisation of your introduction is good as well. The language used has room for improvement, i believe Prof Brad has highlighted most of it. Feel free to approach me if you need any help, I will provide it with my best ability!

    Cheers
    Nicholas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nicholas9/20/2018

      to the best of my ability!*

      Delete
  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear Wendy,
    i had a great time reading your letter, it was a very insightful letter. you gave detailed explanation on in the things that you are great in and explaining how you overcome your language barrier with English.
    content: 8/10
    -detailed explanation on individual component
    -good elaboration on how you overcome your weakness

    Organisation: 7/10
    -its generally well organised.

    language used: 7/10
    -words used are clear and straightforward, easy to understand.
    -can take note of tenses use

    total:22/30

    Warmest regards,
    Meng Wee

    ReplyDelete

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