Subject: Self-introduction
Dear Prof Blackstone,
Being outgoing is my forte, I have no difficulties starting
a conversation with anyone. I had met many people from around the world through
different international camps. This filled me with an abundance of culture and life
experienced. It is much harder to communicate with someone that does not have
much English exposure. I overcame that obstacles by using sign language and
online language translator. I am confidence in Korean language, as I can speak
and write in Hangul, after many hours of lessons and self-study.
My weakness in communication is my exposure to English
language. I came from a Chinese speaking background, I have trouble speaking
fluent English. During conversations I struggle to find the right words to
express my intention. Feeling of frustration builds up in me whenever I need to
check online dictionary for the right words to utilize. I work at my weakness
by exposing myself to English-speaking shows, reading more English books as
well as speaking more English language.
Report writing, and presentation are crucial skills that I
need to sharpen in this module. I aim to arrange my sentences structure to be
clear and concise. I want to enrich my vocabulary to improve in report writing.
I will take careful account and minimized the error I made. I am doing the
English quest and increase daily time for reading to improve my English
language.
Effective communication is an essential skill to prepare us
for the working environment. I am grateful for the all the meaningful lesson
that were taught to us during the Effective Communication module. I look
forward to achieving more in your class.
Yours sincerely,
Wendy Sun SIE2018 Seminar Group 6
Blogs I have commented on:
Hi Wendy, I find your email is well-structured and detailed. Good job! However, I think that there are certain points that you can improve on. Hope you find them useful! :)
ReplyDeleteContent:
- Good content, well-elaborated.
Organisation:
- Well-pragraphed
Language:
- The tenses and use of punctuation such as commas should added in
"After graduation, I worked in the built environment sector..."
- The sentence structure can be rephrase to:
"After hours of lessons and self-study, I learned to communicate fluently in Korean and write in Hangul"
- Past tense should be use in words like "struggle" and "work".
Cheers,
Shien Hui
Hi Wendy, thanks for writing such a detailed self introduction essay even though you have trouble with your English language ! Here are some of my pointers for your essay.
ReplyDeleteI'll give you a score of 7/10 for your content. You are able to cover all of the required pointers for this essay. Your content is well elaborated and detailed.
I'll give you a score of 7/10 for your organisation. Your essay is well paragraphed and your content flows smoothly through the essay.
I'll give you a score of 6/10 for language. You can improve on your sentence structure and use of tense.
Overall, I'll give you a score of 20/30 for your essay. Keep up the good work !
Regards,
Kenneth
Dear Wendy,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this well developed intro letter. I enjoyed learning about your background and interests, in particular, the passion you have for developing your English language skills (and Korean!). Kudos to you for doing the English Quest.
This post, though there are some language issues, generally presents a clear and concise response to the assigned task. The language issues that are apparent might be summed up as these:
1. verb use
-- I had met many people.... >>> (verb tense)
-- I came from... >>> (past or still current?)
-- I will take careful account and minimized the error I made. >>> ?
2. sentence structure
-- Being outgoing is my forte, I have no difficulties starting a conversation with anyone... >>> (run on sentence)
3. phrasing
-- This filled me with an abundance of culture and life experienced. >>> (This sentence seems overwrought.)
-- with someone that does not have ... >>> (wrong word)
-- that obstacles >>> those obstacles
-- I am confidence... >>> (wrong word form)
-- ...my exposure to English language. >>> my lack of exposure to English language.
-- all the meaningful lesson >>> ?
Let's work on these. I look forward to getting to know you better this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Wendy,
ReplyDeleteLet me begin by thanking you for your reply to my introductory email. It came quite as a shock when you first told me the name of your course due to its similarity. Would love to hear more about your journey and experiences sometime!
I like how detailed and concise your introduction is, it is filled with examples and life experience. The organisation of your introduction is good as well. The language used has room for improvement, i believe Prof Brad has highlighted most of it. Feel free to approach me if you need any help, I will provide it with my best ability!
Cheers
Nicholas
to the best of my ability!*
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Wendy,
ReplyDeletei had a great time reading your letter, it was a very insightful letter. you gave detailed explanation on in the things that you are great in and explaining how you overcome your language barrier with English.
content: 8/10
-detailed explanation on individual component
-good elaboration on how you overcome your weakness
Organisation: 7/10
-its generally well organised.
language used: 7/10
-words used are clear and straightforward, easy to understand.
-can take note of tenses use
total:22/30
Warmest regards,
Meng Wee